Here it is: the not-awaited first post on my brand new blog. I've put off blogging for a long time, except for a few perfunctory posts on myspace, for a few reasons. First of all, blogging seems to be the "thing" to do. Now I'm not one who automatically chooses NOT to do something with the sole justification being that everyone else IS doing it. But in this case, I didn't want it to seem like I was doing it just because everyone else was. I needed a more significant reason. Secondly, I've discovered over the years that I'm not a truly insightful person. It's a weakness. I follow several blogs of people who have such amazing insight into themselves and others and I'm overwhelmed by the truths they uncover. I think I'm fairly intelligent, but insightful- not so much. So I didn't really feel like I had anything to add to a community of bloggers already commenting life, love, religion, politics, and so on. Finally, and most honestly, I couldn't come up with a clever title or URL. Seriously. I've been agonizing over this for days. As if I don't have enough "real" things to agonize over, coming up with a short, catchy, meaningful phrase was next to impossible once I started comparing my ideas to all the others out there. I think my lack of titling ability goes hand-in-hand w/ my lack of insight.
However, whether or not my URL is memorable or even if no one reads what I blog, I felt the need to start saying something. I've never been good at reflecting nor have I felt a need for engaging in it on a regular basis. When I was teaching, I had a fabulous principal- she was a great leader and supporter. She was also big on reflections. All of our professional developments had some sort of reflection piece that, quite frankly, I felt I would rather have had bamboo shoots shoved under my fingernails than take the time to "reflect" on what I had learned. I was too busy. I wanted the bottom line. I wanted to get back to work and not waste my time on what I perceived as "fluff."
However, in recent days I've had a moment of clarity. I discovered the significance (for me) for starting a blog- I need reflection. Without reflecting, I'm just going. Never stopping to think on what I'm doing or what has happened causes me to "do" life rather than experience it. I often react rather than plan. In several instances the past few weeks, I've been faced with the "finite-ness" of life and I'm actually glad for those moments, not because I like to be sad or worry about my own life's end, but because I find that it forces me to reflect on my own life and I take fewer moments for granted. These finite moments have helped me to understand that my life needs reflection so that I truly can do all things for the glory of God. If I may borrow a few lines from Rob Thomas's song Little Wonders:
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These small hours
I want to stop "doing" and grab on to the small hours, the little wonders of life. Thus, my blog.
PS: If you're interested in the handful of blogs I posted at myspace (although everyone knows myspace is sooooo 2006. Facebook is where the action's at now!), you can find me at myspace.com/sturgmom, but you have to be my "friend" first.