It's like playing ball in hell

I suppose there was something in the spring air, back when it was 30 degrees COOLER, that caused me to lose my mind and sign the boys up for summer t-ball. I cannot tell you what I was thinking. Except that I WASN'T.

The boys had their first practice on Monday, and if you follow me on Twitter, you might have noticed that the only word to properly describe it was "fiasco." It had nothing to do with ten inexperienced 4-6 year olds wielding aluminum "swords," and everything to do with the complete lack of organization on the coach's part (who showed up about 40 min. late) and the fact that we all PAID for the pleasure of standing around on a field with no shade in 100 degree 100% humid weather. Even the "breeze" felt similar to when you open your preheated oven and get slapped in the face with the winds of hell.

Here are the boys with their pal, Leah Aren't they all just brimming with delight? This picture? Was the theme of the entire evening.

Last night's practice was the second of three practices before the inaugural game on Tuesday. We were informed on Monday night that we have the distinct honor of being the only team who will be squeezing in 3 practices in prior to game day.

You know, because small children really need the extra practice for a game where no one keeps score, everyone bats, and there's no declared winner.

I will admit that the practice went slightly better than Monday's. The coach was only 10 minutes late.

The children ran the bases a couple of dozen times to get the "hang" of basically running in a misshapen circle and practiced throwing and catching. I use the terms "throwing" and "catching" extremely loosely. Overall, the boys seemed to enjoy themselves a teensy bit more.

Unless "enjoyment" is measured by the amount of whining about the heat or their individual levels of thirst which apparently reached deathly proportions. Then they didn't enjoy themselves at all.

I'm telling you, our anticipation and excitement over the coming season is palpable. We absolutely can't WAIT...for it to end.

No, I haven't died of heatstroke. Yet.

I'm finding it very difficult to carve out time for blogging now that I'm no longer staring at a computer screen all day. Most of my energy right now is being spent trying not to combust in the oppressive Texas heat. That leaves very little brain power for producing coherent sentences. Much less slightly (with significant emphasis on slightly) clever or witty ones.

I can't say that we've been particularly busy because the last 4 days have primarily consisted of swimming, lunch, nap, and then whatever it is we do in the evening. Which is to say nothing.

I've also managed to finish 2 books (Time Traveler's Wife (HIGHLY recommend) and Wicked (kind of "meh")).

But with this week practically being in the books (no pun intended), that leaves me with only 6 weeks in which to swim all we can, get in our summer reading hours, finish "Wind in the Willows" for Micah's summer reading, take a trip to the beach and a attend a couple of youth events in which we are involved annually. And mostly importantly, trying to stay moderately cool.

All that means I won't be around the blog much. So if you don't hear from me, please don't lose sleep worrying that I've somehow shriveled up and died from dehydration, heat stroke, 3rd degree sunburns or melodrama. And feel free to follow me on Twitter for more "regular" mini-updates.

YAY SUMMER!

World Wide Web Wednesday 06.10.09

Welcome to everyone's favorite feature: WWWW!


By "everyone" I mean I have no idea if anyone ever actually checks out my links or not. Not fishing here, just sayin'.


I haven't posted any links for a couple of weeks which might lead you to believe that I've been saving the awesomeness for some super duper internet extravaganza! You couldn't be more wrong. But do hang on to your hats, because today's theme is SHOCKERS!

The first NEWSFLASH: Crunchberries are NOT real berries. Dang you, Cap'n Crunch! I actually feel a little embarassed for this woman. Obviously she doesn't have enough shame to feel it herself.

Finally the most often-asked, most speculated about, never answered (until now): Yes. Yes he is. I can almost hear the collective gasping from All the Shock.

Finally, I got this one from the savviest internet surfer I know, KPG. There are 50 movie titles hidden in this "painting." I think I found 6.

(OK, so the last one isn't shocking, but it is a glorious waste of time. 2 out of 3 isn't bad. Or maybe it's really 0 out of 3, because honestly...is any of this surprising?)

My Bachelorette Non-Recap

Where did last night's episode of The Bachelorette leave us? Bored and completely let-down from the faux drama over the dude with the supposed girlfriend back home.

I can't really blame Wes for coming on the show even if he has a girlfriend. According to him. they say that love don't come easy, so he's got to pursue all potential avenues of potential love interest, right? Whatev.

After last night's episode, if you don't love Kiptyn, you must not be breathing. Although 1) his name lends itself to being mispelled 99.9% of the time AND 2) his name lends itself to an unfortunate nickname (Kip. No offense to any Kips who are or are not reading this blog), he seemed the most natural on his date with Jillian. I think he's definitely a frontrunner.

On the 2-on-1 date: Could the baseball guy Mike/Mark have been any more over the top with All the Cheese? While the pizza guy Mike/Mark just played it cool and aloof. I think I would choose pizza over baseball, too. Because I'm pretty sure that was the sole basis of Jillian's decision.

And finally, what Jillian needs is some lessons in how to be a mom. I just kept thinking that if I were Jillian and I wanted to know who had a girlfriend, I would have just laid down the law- NO roses until SOMEONE fesses up. Period. And then I would have waited them out just like I have waited out my own children in a battle of the wills. It's not a power struggle I would recommend for all situations, but desperate times and all that jazz...

If you want a real recap click here. Or go here for the inside scoop.

To summarize my thoughts on this season so far? Yawn.

One more kid story

Do my kid stories bore you? Do both of my 2 readers click away as soon as they find out the current blog is more ramblings about my little angels? Are they the most banal and mundane topics of anything I've ever posted in my blog? I do wonder if the stories are only funny because I know my children, their mannerisms, their faces, and their intonation. So some of the funny may get lost in translation.

I really try to only post the things that happen that I think are truly hilarious. Usually that means it's stories that make Jason laugh. Because, while he's a comedian, I know something is really funny when HE cracks up about it. This is one of those stories (I think).

A little background: Cade, our middle, has longish hair. And, yes, his gender is routinely called into question by strangers. I also call them JERKS. I often find myself referring to him as "Buddy," "Son," or "Dude" when in public to, you know, GIVE PEOPLE A CLUE.

We also have a daughter. After having 2 boys, I willingly choose to GIRL HER UP. She wears lots of hairbows, and she LOVES shoes and jewelry. You can often find her peering into her closet proclaiming, "I want PINK!"

Cade, on the other hand, is ALL BOY. He wears colors including (but not limited to) navy, orange, brown, gray, and khaki. He wears athletic-style shoes that are typically black or blue.

When you put them side-by-side, WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK I'M TRYING TO DO TO MY OLDER "DAUGHTER?"

The general public is in trememdous need of a lesson in using context clues.

Last night we took them to the park to run off some energy before bath and bed. On the way home from the park, Cade was telling us about a new little "friend" he had played with at the park. A little girl.

He said, "She kept calling me a girl and wouldn't believe me that I was a boy, so I sat down on the sidewalk and took off...








...MY FLIP FLOP...








...to show her it was a boy shoe."

His flip flops are black with a flame graphic on the bottom. They are, indeed, boy shoes.

And I was completely relieved that his shoe was the only thing that occured to him to use a proof of his masculinity.

What little boys talk about

One of my favorite things in the entire world is to listen to my little boys have a conversation with one another. As long as there is no whining, yelling, fussing, made-up words, cartoonish voices or name-calling.

Which means these conversations come around only slightly more often than the mythical unicorns (I just can NOT let that go. It may be THE funniest thing I've ever heard come out of a person's mouth).

The other night we were waiting in the car for something I can't recall b/c it was completely inconsequential and unrelated to this story and they were negotiating their personal cool-factors. Here's what I heard.

Cade (the optimist): How 'bout we BOTH be the coolest?

Micah (the pragmatist): That's impossible Cade.

C: How about if I'm New York coolest and you're Waco coolest?

(We've never been to NYC, but I think Micah realized that he was definitely getting the short end of the cool stick.)

M: Cade, how 'bout you're Canada coolest?

Oh SNAP! Micah threw down the literal interpretation of "cool." More like "frigid." Which then kind of negates his figurative coolness. Turning a figurative argument literal is a cool-breaker.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, since this little contest was spiraling downward into a geography bee) they got distracted and never settled who has the most "it-factor." Let's just say that, while I love them both equally, Micah's got the brains (he would have killed in the geography bee) and Cade's got the cool. Together, they'll rule the land of the mythical unicorns.

I always refer to myself as a wolf because most people follow and stay in line where I'm always looking for that mythical unicorn

Oh my word, tonight's episode of The Bachelorette was a HOT mess. There was so much talk of wolves and sheep and unicorns that I could hardly keep the metaphors straight. I never did get the part about the unicorn, but that's probably for the best.

No recaps here, just my measly $0.02.

1) Firstly, WHY is no one talking about the fact that ED is a dead ringer for Jeffrey Dean Morgan? Seriously, people! They could be brothers. And since "Jilli" knows what Ed will look like when he grows up, well, YUM!














2) Could Wes be any more cliche' with his kuntry sangin'?

3) Some of those boys were looking a bit worse for the wear at the Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever. Someone really should have advised them to go a bit easier on the adult beverages.

My mom is in town and actually watched tonight's episode with me. As I was filling her in on all the dudes, I found that I didn't have much good to say about any of them. The majority of them are pretty much goobers in my book. And the fact that she only sent 3 of them home tonight means that the gooberishness is going to drag on for an ever-lovin' eternity.

Maybe next week, Jillian will buy a clue, fire them all, and start over with a new batch (no pun intended, although I'm thinking myself quite clever at the moment. Or nerdy fits, too.). Cheers!